“For the Daily Double…” Trebek says. “The obscure, cigar smoking, anthropomorphic character in the end credits of Guardians of The Galaxy, who has Nerdville in such a state of confused uproar.” And I answer, “I bet the farm and the barn and that stinky nasty cow Alex you elitist, fake ass looking snob! The question is, who is Howard the @*uckin’ Duck!! That’s who!!” That is when security storms on stage and drags me off to a dark room that has a metal table and Trebek pulls off his fake ass hair and face and underneath…and that’s when I wake up. Hey, don’t act you don’t have that same dream!! Seriously, have you ever wondered about those Jeopardy champions and how we never hear from them again? Trebek and his goons are space aliens looking for the brightest and best among us; the game show is just how he separates them from the rest of us cattle and then they are taken away so we never find out the truth. Think of it. Where are they? We never see them again but sure the Bachelor and Bachelorette winners are everywhere!
But that’s a blog for another time…back to…
Howard the @*uckin’ Duck!
Howard first appeared in Marvel’s Adventure Into Fear #19 back in 1973. His back story is a rather simple one. Captured from his home planet and dumped on Earth, the Florida Everglades actually, he battles his way, hoping somehow to find a way back home. The story of a stranded alien. Sound familiar? Only Howard came along in 1973 and E.T. came along in 1982, almost ten years later! Hmmm, any good lawyers out there?
The resemblance between Howard and Donald Duck was uncanny, yet for legal reasons, it was stated to be a coincidence. There were threats of legal action at the time. But after all, can you really tell one comic book duck apart from another? What made Howard so cool, so taboo at the time; is that Howard is what Donald and Daffy probably wished they could be once the cartoon was done. After all, until this time, cartoon ducks were the second bananas, the sad sacks of the cartoon and comic book universe. Mickey Mouse was always going to be better than Donald and Bugs was always going to be better than Daffy. Then here comes Howard. Think Mickey and Bugs wanted to mess with a gun toting, cigar smoking, horny for earth women alien duck? Hell, he’d shank their G rated asses!
There was an ill fated and horribly done movie back in 1986, check it out on Hulu if you want but don’t blame me if you vomit everything you’ve every eaten in the last decade or so. It really sucked. So naturally, it has its own cult following. It was actually done by Lucasfilm which is what surprisingly makes one wonder how they could crap it out so bad. Of course there is the creepiness factor of Duck on Marty McFly’s mom sex that may have had something to do with it.
Seriously though, can you blame a horny duck?
But Howard was never just a one shot wonder. His universe crossed into Marvel mainstream quite a bit. He had stints with Spider-man, the Avengers, Man-thing, and the X-Men. His sojourn into the Guardians of the Galaxy and into the hands of the Collector makes perfect sense because Marvel never did know what exactly to do with Howard.
Yes he was even a true bad ass Marvel Zombie killer.
So get over yourself you Johnny come lately comic book lovers. We know that you think the real Tony Stark is the Robert Downey Jr. character and not the treacherous bastard we know and hate from the Civil War saga. Have another drink you Iron Bastard!! Comic books have always been the front runners to social satire and social issues, under its new leadership Marvel has failed miserably in this position. It has lately toted a party line rather than speak up. Comic books do not belong on the View! So this one is for real comic book fans, not the ones who just noticed that Cosplay chicks are really hot, we’ve always known that! By the way, that’s Seth Green voicing Howard in that Bonus scene at the end of GOTG! Geek Out!!
But as one of those who have loved and read comic books as they slipped in and out of fashion, I applaud the return of Howard the Duck. Good choice Marvel!
Don’t fuck it up this time.