Tuesday’s Terrible Character is – HellCow!

Yes, the seventies were some seriously weird times and that goes for the comic book industry as well. And nothing says weird like the Marvel character known as Hellcow! A cow turned into a vampire. I kid you not!

Hellcow first appears in 1975 in the Giant Sized Man-Thing #5, created by Steve Gerber and Frank Brunner. The tale is that one night, on a Swiss dairy farm around 1675, unable to find any human prey, the Lord of the vampires, Dracula (yes that Dracula) happens upon Bessie grazing in the field and feeds. Three nights later, the undead creature rises.

Fast forward to modern day and we find Howard the Duck investigating the deaths of some farmers and who does he run into? But a blood sucking bovine who thinks the Duck would make a sweet treat! Howard battles Bessie and wins but she survives to then be captured by the mad scientist Dr. Kilgore who believes that Hellcow’s vampiric milk holds healing and immortality properties. Deadpool intervenes and saves the undead bovine.

Strange as that sounds, in Agents of Shield television series, there is a reference made about a special milk with healing properties by a Hydra agent. A red milk that will give it’s drinker immortality from a very special cow. So perhaps there is a future for Bessie.

Hellcow, a character so bad she is good!

 

Secret Invasion by Brian Michael Bendis

Secret Invasion by Brian Michael Bendis takes place shortly after the events of Civil War and in some ways, undos some of the damage done to the Marvel Universe that happened during Civil War. But more importantly, it supports my long held belief; that Tony Stark is a dick.

Unbeknownst to humanity and it’s litany of superheroes, the alien race known as the Skrulls have been replacing many of Earth’s super powered beings with its own kind. Now they have infiltrated every organization on Earth; Shield, the Avengers and others, and are prepared to attack. With many of Earth’s protectors in hiding or imprisoned after Iron Man’s triumph during Civil War, and on the heels of the murder of Captain America, the Earth may never be as vulnerable as it is at this moment. Now the Skrulls must attack.

The heroes are left with the question, who can they trust? Also, if someone is a Skrull, then what happened to the original? With the heroes seemingly down and the lack of leadership, does the salvation of Earth fall on the shoulders of Norman Osborn and his team?

Again, remember, Tony Stark is really a dick. The worst thing that Marvel Cinematic Universe did was turn Iron Man and Tony Stark into a true hero. He never was. He is a spoiled rich boy who has serious Captain America envy issues. He may fund the Avengers, but he was never meant to lead it. The second thing the MCU did wrong is turn the Skrulls into anything but a threat to the world and the Universe at large.

The Skrulls are as old as Marvel Comics themselves, having first appeared in Fantastic Four #2 in January of 1962. The fact that moviegoers and fans of the MCU didn’t know much about them shows the disconnect from the MCU and it’s source material. But that is a rant for another day. The Skrulls came into being from the Celestials performing genetic experiments upon ancient reptillian creatures. This resulted in three kinds of Skrulls. The Deviant, the Prime, and the Eternals. They battle one another and the Deviant (having the ability to shape shift) wipe out the other two branches of Skrulls until only one being of the other two branches lives. When the Skrulls encounter a new race, they simply transform themselves into that race and infiltrate it until they gain control.

In Secret Invasion, the Skrull empire is dying and under the new leadership of Queen Veranke have decided it is time to take over the Earth. Sound much like victims here?

Bendis is a strong creator in the Marvel Universe but with Secret Invasion, after the mega event that Civil War was, does not seem to have much steam. It is a lesser version of Civil War. Superheros fighting amongst themselves, only now with Skrull faces attached. Once we find out the characters that are Skrulls they instantly lose any empathy from the reader. So go ahead and maim or kill them because they weren’t really who they were pretending to be.

This, in essence, becomes Civil War light.

A good read but Bendis can do much better, just now sure Marvel can.

Monday’s Mutant is Jonas Graymalkin

Monday’s Mutant of the day is Jonas Graymalkin!

Graymalkin has a strange origin story and for some reason, as a character, has never quite caught on. He first appears in the short lived X-Men title, Young X-Men #1 as a vision to the mutant Blindfold and does not make his true first appearance until Young X-Men #3 in 2008.

Jonas Graymalkin was born to Charles and Marcia Graymalkin over two centuries past and the family lived on the estate that would later become the Xavier Institute. At the young age of 16, Jonas’ was discovered having sex with another young man by his father. The elder Graymalkin was so disgusted by what he saw that he beat Jonas severely and cursed his wife for giving him such a son. He called the boy an abomination and buried Jonas alive on the property.

Completely cut off from any light, Jonas Graymalkin mutated and the young man fell into a state of suspended animation for 200 years. After the events of the Messiah Complex and the school was destroyed, Jonas awoke. He is wary of this strange new world and after watching a battle between the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants, he decides to join on the side of the X-Men. With his powers of super-strength and invulnerability, as well as Night Vision and longevity, Graymalkin is a powerful addition of the team.

But with the last memories of his earlier life being the beating and digust of his father, Jonas does not immediately trust and confide in his new teammates. It is only after a long talk with another gay mutant, Anole, does Graymalkin begin to believe that he may be accepted as part of the team.

Jonas Graymalkin, in my opinion, is a missed opportunity by Marvel to promote inclusion of LGBT characters in its lexicon of heroes. Why make Iceman gay when you already have a good strong characters that would have worked so much better at exploring what it is to be gay in this time and this place we call the United States? Jonas Graymalkin who has one foot in the proverbial past and now trying to adapt to the future would have been a powerful vehicle in this aspect. But as he is not known very well, Marvel just didn’t see it.

It was also discovered that Graymalkin shares the same DNA as Charles Xavier. Something else that could have been explored.

But for now, we can only see Jonas Graymalkin from time to time as a bit player in the mutant universe of Marvel Comics.

It’s Wednesday Weapon X

Monday’s Mutant of the day is Eye-Scream!

Monday’s Mutant of the day is Eye-Scream!

The mutant and evil villain known as Eye Scream has the incredible power of turning himself into any flavor of ice cream he wants to.

One day Eye-Scream decides he is going to destroy the X-Men because they are awesome and his power is pretty ridiculous.

Eye-Scream infiltrates the Mansion on Kitty Pryde’s birthday, however a clown by the name of Obnoxio is at the X-Men Mansion at the time Eye-Scream attacks and helps the X-Men defeat him by freezing Eye-Scream and dressing him up like a sundae.

Eye-Scream is never heard from again and it is unknown if his powers went away after the House of M event.

Eye-Scream’s first and last appearance is in Obnoxio the Clown #1, April of 1983.

The Vision: Little Better Than a Beast by Tom King

The Vision, Vol. 2: Little Better than a Beast by Tom King is a worthy follow up graphic novel to Vol. 1, Little Better than a Man. King continues the story of the Vision’s attempt at creating his own family and trying to fit in with the human world around him.

“…The first words the synthezoid ever heard were the words of his father.
‘Welcome to the world of the living.’ Ultron said. ‘You who will never know but a half-life…”

There was a love affair long ago between two Avengers. A strange love affair between a witch and an android. But the witch wanted more. She wanted a family. Children that the android could not give her. So she altered reality and made the family herself and then drifted into that world where her new family existed. The android could not follow.

Now, the android has created his own family. In his own likeness. But something has gone wrong and the Avengers know that they have to keep an eye on their friend and teammate. To do so, they send the other android created by Ultron. The one known as Victor Mancha. The son of Ultron. The brother of the Vision.

What follows is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. A murder, a cover-up, betrayal of the level that only Tony Stark can bring and then revenge.

Tom King, page for page, is simply one of the best comic book writers working today. Stepping back a little and reading some of his prior work is not only worth it, but a real treat. King’s vision of the Vision is heartfelt and painful. It is a very human look at a machine with a soul.

The Vision’s desire for a normal life, his envy of humanity with all it’s failings leads him to pain and despair that he is incapable of feeling. However his creations. His wife and daughter and son feel them. But they are too new to the world to understand exactly what they feel.

A powerful story and what comic books should be.

Kraven’s Last Hunt

Spider-Man: Kraven’s Last Hunt by J. M. DeMatteis is a glimpse in to the psyche of Kraven the Hunter and one of the more disturbing Spider-Man tales ever to be written. Penned back in 1987, it is a good tale to pick up to go along with the current Spider-Man storyline. Kraven has been absent from the Marvel universe for sometime and Kraven’s Last Hunt shows just how disturbing the character truly is.

Kraven the Hunter has stalked and killed every animal known and only one has ever escaped him. The enhanced superhero known as Spider-Man. This is something that Kraven’s pride cannot deal with and he launches his greatest quest yet, to hunt and kill the Spider-Man. He hunts the webslinger down and shoots him with a tranquilizer. Kraven then buries Spider-Man alive. But this is not enough to quench Kraven’s thirst. The Hunter then dons the web-slinger’s costume and roams the streets as Spider-Man, brutally beating criminals with a violent frenzy that the Spider-Man would never do. Kraven goes after Vermin, a cannibal murderer that Spider-Man needed Captain America’s help to defeat. Kraven captures Vermin, proving to himself that he is a better hero than Spider-Man ever was.

During Kraven’s reign of terror as Spider-Man, the real Spider-Man works himself out of the grave he was imprisoned in and goes in search of Kraven. But when he finds him, Spider-Man also finds Vermin who Kraven sets free. Knowing the horror that Vermin poses, Spider-Man goes after the cannibal and Kraven retires to his home, having proven his worth as a hunter, having proven in his mind that he is a better Spider-Man than Spider-Man ever was. He then proceeds to kill himself. Spider-Man goes home to try and recover from Kraven’s last hunt.

Wow, so much to digest in this storyline and so much going on. It is considered one of Spider-Man’s best books but I don’t think I can really agree with this summation. It is perhaps one of the best books that has Kraven as the antagonist, but I think it doesn’t really serve the character well. His obsession with Spider-Man is what drives him. Too prove himself the best. But once he does it, he feels his life has no longer any worth? How about the litany of other superheroes to go after. Mutants and Avengers and Super Criminals. Also, what is up with Spider-Man’s costume. It is the black costume and it just allows Kraven to put it on? How does that work? After all, isn’t it the Venom symbiote? Or is the costume just something that Kraven had created for this moment. If it is the symbiote, then how does it allow Kraven to shoot Peter Parker?

What the story lacks is a stronger back story. Something to enhance the reasons behind Kraven’s Hunt. Why is Spider-Man so important? Why is this so important to Kraven’s existence? In researching this book I found out that this concept was actually penned for a Batman tale. A story that had the Joker finally killing the Batman. An act that ends up driving the Joker sane. That may have been a better story. What this tale does show is that one of Peter Parker’s greatest traits is his vulnerability. The fact that Peter does not always win and in fact, far too often, loses. Even in victory.

Kraven is mad. That is evident. He is also skilled and without empathy. Marvel could have done far more with this character than just turn him into a fanboy with a school girl crush on Peter Parker. He could have been Spider-Man’s greatest enemy and someone who until recently, had been forgotten.

It is Wednesday, Wakandans

Tuesday’s Trip through the Terrigen Mists

Tuesday’s trip through the Terrigen Mists brings us to one of it’s strangest and more wonderful creations. The InHuman known as Lockjaw.

When InHumans come of age they are exposed to the Terrigen Mists. The mists endow them with particular powers. Each one being different. Medusa gained her living hair and Black Bolt, his all powerful voice. But for one child, the Terrigen Mists transformed him into a dog. But just not any dog. A teleporting dog.

Lockjaw is capable of teleporting up to a ton of mass, has superhuman strength and is a dog. He basically became a pet for the royal family of InHumans has all the traits of a household pet. Except, you know, the whole teleporting thing.

Recently he has been a sidekick to the New Ms. Marvel, but Lockjaw has always been an integral part of the InHumans and their interactions with humanity and Earth. He has worked alongside the likes of the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. Not only can he teleport across vast distances, he can also teleport through dimensions, making him a very valuable ally against cosmic foes.

Lockjaw first appeared in Fantastic Four #45, in December of 1965.